A pet for Paris

Tiny dogs as fashion accessories make me a little crazy. Clint is not an accessory, not even an accessory to a crime. He’s a sentient being who trembles with fear, eats with joy, and snuggles with love. Unlike Paris Hilton and her ilk, my tiny poodle is not something I pin to my shoulder as a furry piece of jewelry, even if he does like to nap on my breasts; so would most manly men.

Paris’s inexplicable decision not to keep her tiny Chihuahua Tinkerbell and ship him off to her mother's for safekeeping like a box of old college textbooks bothers me more than I can say, and probably for more reasons than I can elucidate. Poor Tink, out on his tiny bum because he’d gotten too big to go with Hilton’s outfits. Tink must weigh more than Hilton’s heart even if he isn't bigger than her wallet.

Melissa Kaplan, author of "Iguanas for Dummies" and the wildly popular herp information site www.anapsid.org, agrees. Kaplan first got started with herps when she became allergic to her dogs and cats, and while she loves her iguanas and turtles and skinks and tortoises, she misses living with dogs. She borrows a Doberman regularly for canine loving. Kaplan came up with the perfect pet for Hilton, a painted rock called, of course, Rocquie.

“This little girl is already fully grown, so there is no chance she will ever weigh as much as poor dumped Tinkerbell,” said Kaplan. “The best thing is that should Rocquie ever get ‘kidnapped’ like poor Tink, Rocq won't die of starvation, dehydration, hypothermia, or cardiac arrest before she is ‘rescued.' ”

The current flash-in-the-pan trend is carrying around a teeny tiny dog that is smaller than most cats. “Small dogs have special needs and they are most certainly not accessories,” says Darlene Arden, author of "The Irrepressible Toy Dog." “They are living, breathing, sentient beings, and they are real dogs. They are not handbags, bracelets, or wristwatches. They need exercise and training like any other dog but they have special requirements. They view the world differently from their larger counterparts and they need to be protected from unsupervised dogs and unsupervised children.” (Ostensibly one could label Hilton as a tall unsupervised child.) “They are not ‘toys’ for teens who want to emulate their favorite celebrity.”

People Magazine’s foolish choice to run a contest on which celebrity’s tiny dog is the cutest simply made those poor dogs more of a widget-of-the-week than a pet. I may stop reading it at the dentist’s office.

Arden points out that "teacup" is a marketing term used by backyard breeders and puppy mills. “The very smallest dogs are anomalies and shouldn't be bred,” said the expert. “They often have many health problems, most vets don't want to treat them because they're so tiny --  imagine their oh-so-small organs! --  and certainly no reputable breeder would charge a large sum of money for them. The owner will need that money for veterinary bills! It's like having a permanently premature baby.”

The best "toy dog" for people who want to emulate Hilton is a stuffed one. I say a stuffed one is a better choice for the person who wants a fashion accessory because they won’t pee or scratch clothing with nails that grow really long because the dog is always carried rather than walked. “A dog is not another disposable commodity,” said Arden. “They give unconditional love and deserve love and responsible treatment in return.” -- Phyllis DeGioia, editor, VeterinaryPartner.com